I’m not from here, but from somewhere else. The here is Scotland and the somewhere else is the US. That is to say that I am an immigrant and being an immigrant has some requirements.
I live in a perpetual state of not knowing what is coming up next. I’m at the mercy of a government I did not vote for because I don’t have the right to vote. People have opinions about my presence in this country. While I have the right to be here because the government has granted me leave to remain (though not yet indefinite leave), there are those who would rather I had never come.
Along with all of that is the plain fact that my ability to continue here is always uncertain. Though we don’t have a reason to believe it will be, my upcoming visa application1 could be refused.
When I was younger, I dreamed of travelling and going places. But as I get older, the routine calls. The desire to settle, to remain. I sincerely believe that this is a good desire, to want to be planted in a place to know and be known. We experienced that for a time before going onto the mission field. Since then, we have moved country three times.
My longing for stability in this immigrant life proves my lack of control
One of the great benefits of spending time studying theology is learning about things like the Creator-creature distinction. At its most basic, it is what differentiates God from everything else. It is the statement that God is God and we are not. Humans, angels, axolotls, and trees are all creatures. We have a beginning point, a start, a genesis. But God is not like that, for he is the Uncaused Cause. He is Being at its most fundamental, independent of his creation yet deeply involved for it reflects who he is.
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Numbers 23:19a (ESV)
Whatever control I might expect to have is only given to me. I did not gain it myself, I did not grasp at it because I couldn’t grasp at it. In my being, I am not powerful enough to do this.
My life, as an immigrant, is a constant reminder of this. My role as a father is a reminder of this. My vocation as the pastor of this small church is the proof of this. Try as I may, I can't control the outcomes of things. I cannot change peoples’ hearts. I cannot make my children understand why they need to listen. Not only that, but I cannot convince a government to allow me to stay.
My inability to control my life drives me to dependance
As I think about all that, I do often wonder how I manage to get to sleep at night. To be sure, between juggling ministry work, family life, immigration stuff, and an uncertain future regarding my job as the pastor of this church, I should be much more stressed out.
But one of the things that both age and experience have given me is practice. This isn’t my first time experiencing uncertainty about work or immigration status. I have been through this before. And God, in his grace, brings those things to mind regularly.
He does so through an encouraging message from our visa consultant. He does so as our church prays for my visa application during our prayer meeting. He does so as the funding for the visa itself comes in.
It is hard to bring all of these things to mind as I type away at an application form that seems to know no end. Or when it is time to actually send the thing away. But as I work away at these things, he is still there. Still unchanging, still upholding all things by his powerful word. God is still doing what only God can do, working all things according to his good plan.
And so for you, what can you bring to mind as you wait? The Psalms are full of examples of meditating on God’s character while waiting for him to act. Consider Psalm 27 below:
Of David.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.
3 Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.
4 One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.
5 For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
8 You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”
9 Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.
11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.
13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
Please pray!